This article is a continuation of the first part, How to Argue in A Relationship_1
Arguments are common in all relationships; they can be good or bad, what creates the difference is – how to argue in a relationship. In other words, arguing can be healthy as long as you’re doing it the right way.
So, the point is not to eliminate arguments; it’s finding a better way of arguing! How to argue in a relationship;
Don’t involve a 3rd party
Don’t always think of involving someone whenever you have a little misunderstanding with your partner, be it a friend or family member. This way you’ll expose your weaknesses.
A relationship needs to have strongholds & secrets are part of those strongholds. You also agree that this 3rd party teams at times do favor one side more than the other.
Involve someone only when you have to. It’s your game, so figure out how you gonna play it. I have an article; How to have a strong relationship with your partner, it might help more here.
Bonus tip: I came across another quote, ‘Don’t worry when you fight, it’s when you stop fighting that it means there’s nothing left for you to keep fighting for’. So, fighting might also mean you’re going through another stage to take your relationship to a different level. But you don’t have to fight every time and if so, I suggest that relationship is not worth your time; move on!
Don’t lose touch
Don’t completely avoid each other, that you cut off both contact & communication. You decide not to talk to each other, not to sleep on the same bed or totally no sharing any moments together (some even can’t use the same cup that their partners used… That’s childish! Or what do you think?) yet in the same house.
This shows you’re not ready to make up and move on. Sleeping together can catalyze you to feeling each other, since it reduces negative thoughts and focuses them on the person next you.
Bonus tip: Always make up after an argument. Get to them after they’ve attacked you later and talk about the issue. Promise them you’re in it together and you love them. So, don’t let someone’s behaviors become a hindrance or an excuse for a failing relationship. Take a step.
Don’t take it to the next level. Overreacting creates a situation where one attacks and the other defends making the one who feels stronger to prove their point physically, because there is no communication.
That’s why it’s better to be quiet until you find something to say. Going physical is never the answer, instead it multiplies the problem.
Also, don’t be rude, shut the door and leave the house. We are both adults here. This can give your partner time to digest negative thoughts & think of doing something worse.
It’s better when you go to a different room and cool down as you wait for the perfect time to talk. Going out might tempt you to meet up someone and share your grievances; which turns you from rude to childish.
Bonus tip: Be real about problems, don’t ignore them and wait for anger; Mostly when you’re angry, you’ll find yourself telling the other person bad things about them that you always hide when you’re normal. And this sucks more.
Never fight in public
Let your problems be your problems! It’s better when you pretend and solve your issues behind the scenes, you won’t die if you hold those words for some hours.
If you have watched Vikings, am sure you remember Ragnar telling Lagather, “…we should not wash our dirty clothes in front of others”.
Because this implies that you do not respect each other, or let me be frank: You are immature!!!
Bonus tip: Most couple fights result from the issues of money, family & attention; Now you know! Most couples look perfect without complains, but beneath the surface are hidden chaos. The secret to a happy relationship is not about vocations, romantic times together nor is it about gifts and future plans; It is not about how you fly together but how you fight together. If you can stick together through hard times then easy times will be a bonus.
Don’t let Ego take control
Don’t talk and confess about ugly endings like divorce or killing each other. Neither should you call your partner dirty names like whore (even if you don’t mean it), slut or idiot just because of a little misunderstanding. The reason is simple; Words have power. This means you’re an immature person too.
You need to remember that people mostly take such accusations too serious, ‘…he called me a whore!’ Therefore, they become words that describe the argument and makes the main argument lighter.
The worst is when you keep confessing them every time (there are lessons out there on how the words and confessions affect the subconscious mind in relations to outcomes…). It doesn’t really matter which course discusses that subject for now, just know that shit is not cool at all.
Quote: If you’re too angry then walk away, speak nothing. Don’t say something you’ll later regret because you’re moody, for your mood will end but the words will be there to be remembered.
Bonus tip: Reminding someone of their bad behaviors doesn’t make them any better. Perhaps praising them for the little goods can add up! The more you fight the more you’re telling each, you’re not worth each other! And you know the ending to that, don’t you?
Conflicts and disagreements are part of any good relationship. Because the relationship is not perfect and to perfect it, you’ll need the errors to correct and such conflicts only come as messengers to bring you exactly what you need.
Relationships are worth fighting for and you must fight together not just as one person. I have another quote, ‘all relationships go through hell but the best ones grow through it’.