Is it better to date one person at a time, or multiple people before becoming exclusive?



People date for many reasons, so whether we say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to this question, that entire depends on what you want as a person. This article mainly speaks in favor of those who want a serious & long-lasting relationship. Dating one person or multiple people at a time both are worth a choice (it just depends on how you look at it), what is most important is to work on your options, know your options better & know what you want.

Player vs Spinner

When we talk of dating multiple people, does the word ‘player’ or ‘cheater’ cross your mind? If you’ve heard of a phrase, ‘spinning plates’ or ‘Plate Theory’ probably you already have a clue on what my opinion is.

Spinning Plates is defined as; Spreading out your efforts across a wider pool of subjects (mates), keeping your options open but trying not to let the other person’s interest fail. It’s like playing a hard to get game – where you show interest and seem undecided at the same time. Of course, some will co-operate (entertain them) and others will not (let go) – just don’t force anyone.

So, when spinning plates, you don’t commit fully to anyone, and you don’t have any defined relationship with the nature of ‘dating’ (just friends). You also don’t have sex or any deep intimacy with any of the ‘plates’ unless you choose to define it as ‘friends with benefits.

Players are people who’re dishonest – because they date several partners and isolate each partner independent of the other. Spinning plates has nothing to do with this, since it doesn’t imply exclusivity to any person you’re interacting with; Done in a frank, honest, yet indirect way. Though your major role is to convince your ‘plates’ that you’re a person whose attention is worth competing for.

If you’ve heard of the advice, ‘always date a friend’ or ‘ONLY date someone who is WORTH YOUR TIME AND EFFORT’, then Plate Spinning is the one to deliver you that. When you’ve sampled your plates & have made a decision, now is time to commit. At this point, when you open one door, many others close; meaning you got to let go spinning & focus on building a relationship.

Pursuing one partner at a time

You’ll have better results when pursuing a single partner at a time, it’s hard to get to know a person if you’re dating several people at the same time. Also, some people who are good lovers especially ladies, give their best when you give them all your attention. Dating multiple people will divide your attention and this person might not feel your commitment, so they end up letting go and you miss a chance to have a serious person.

What happens when you have too many options?

It feels good to date more than one person, though it’s a challenge to commit. Remember in this article we’re trying to avoid the word, ‘cheater’ or ‘player’ because no one would wish to be played and that’s why I suggested the ‘Plate Theory’ if you want to be sure of the person you wanna date.

Also, sometimes when you have many options you become too confident and end up seeming to care less about losing any of them, since you feel you got a backup. You should realize that those who respect themselves enough to walk away are usually the worthy partners.

In addition to that, dating multiple people (cheating) usually becomes a habit so you’ll be addicted to it – which might also mean; it will be hard for you to be faithful to your partner once you’re married.

It’s not necessary to play with other people’s feelings, put yourself in their shoe and if it hurts, perhaps it’s time to agree with me! Unless you both have a common interest of ‘friends with benefits’.

Quote: True power isn’t about controlling others, but the degree to which you control the course of your own life and your own choices.

BONUS TIP: The mindset to avoid! When dating, don’t just criticize the other partner, criticize yourself too, imagine how they’ll look at you from their side; Don’t have the mindset of thinking you’re gonna get the right person on your first dates. Break ups are normal & that should not discourage you from dating. It’s only through such mistakes that we get to learn; There is no quality or ready-made partner out there, that’s an idealization. Some are better than others of course, but you don’t find the perfect one, you make the perfect one. Good luck!

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